Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
