i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
