I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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