and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
