***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I faked an abortion last night.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
