Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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