Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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