when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
