Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
