She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
