I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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