I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You had me at "let me see your balls"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
