Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
