I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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