Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
