Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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