I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
