Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
