Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
