Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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