Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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