mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
