Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
