Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
