"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
