Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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