I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
