Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
