people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
