you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
