I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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