At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
