Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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