You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
