Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
