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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
