I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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