It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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