I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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