you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
