mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
