last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So many bounce houses so little time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
