Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
