It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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