Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
