I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
