I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
