Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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