he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
