i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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