I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
